The Host's Mother's Tale
by hatashikitty
Summary: Not only is this a poem about Count D and his shop, but it's a spoof of Chaucer's Cantebury Tales. So unless you've read them, you won't know what's going on. I had to do this as an assignment for a class.


The Tale of the Host's Mother

By Emi Sprouse

"More," cried the Host from his worn-out pony.

"I want a tale that isn't so phony."

The pilgrims sighed and rolled their eyes at him,

They were done with all his whining and his whims.

Then a prune of a woman volunteered.

Seeing who is was the Host did jeer.

"Old Hag, why are you on this travel far?

I've never seen one so wrinkled and marred

You must be ages old and near to dust.

Your bones are shaking and your teeth are rust.

You wear rags, you're sick and should be confined.

And, alas, to top it off, you are blind."

The woman started hitting him with her walking stick

And shouted and croaked, "Why don't you quit

Pretending I'm not your dear old mother?

Why can't you be just like your older brother?"

The woman smacked her lips, her glare bale

And waited for quiet to begin her tale.

"There once was a Duke, a rich jolly guy.

His land and home was the best around, no lie.

He was gracious to kings and royalty

Honoring those of nobility

The higher class saw him in good taste.

But the truth of it is, his lower than waste.

His smile and charm are only for gain

To rise up the ladder and fully reign

He'd do anything to attain more power

He'd even kill his own mother, the coward

He has done worse for the title of Duke

Ten other dukes dying before him was no fluke

The servants keep quitting, some disappeared

Everyone under his thumb lived in fear

He's got a great hobby, one he loves most

He collects rare objects from coast to coast

His favorite exhibits all live in cages

A group of beasts evolved through the ages

To name a few: a tiger from China

From Africa: lion, zebra, hyena

Talking parrots, deadly cobras, a koi pond

And unknown others from exotic lands

If you wonder how these rarities he lured.

To gain his desires, nations he massacred

The Duke didn't like to get his hands dirty

Other men cleaned out the cages, over thirty

He liked everything to be clean, this the #1 chore

This is also why he stayse away from whores

He likes his women fresh and untouched by man

After one night, they're tossed out like contraband

The Duke had an ideal life, built upon lies

But his desires could never be satisfied

Until one day, he was riding through town

He espied a store he'd never seen around

The store was bound in oriental decoration

The Duke decided to go in, just for fun

"Welcome good sir, to my humble little shop.

We sell hopes and dreams, that you can't top."

The Duke thought the seller wasn't a man

With delicate skin the color of sand

But with another glace, the Duke was confused

His pretty host was a very pretty dude.

The man was Asian, mysterious, a smile like honey

"Welcome to my petshop," he said. "I am Count D."

Petshop, indeed, is what the store was

The air was alive with feathers, and fuzz

The shop was very clean and surprisingly neat

However the animals were common; off the street

"Do you have anything a little more exotic?"

He sniffed, ready to call it a day and quit

"I think I have something that you lack,"

said D. "Please come with me into the back."

A sweet pungent incense he immediately smelled

And walked through a door that Count D held.

He walked into a room, grass covering the floor

There was a young woman far away from the door

She was radiant, glowing all pure and white

Hair like liquid silver and eyes dark as night

And curious enough, and horn on her forehead

"This is according to your desires," Count D said.

The Duke was furious, he was in a rage.

He had walked right into a whore house cage.

"I won't buy women from you, you tricked me.

I'm going home, so please leave me be."

Count D shook his head, and raised his hand,

"Wait a minute, you don't understand

This is a unicorn, the last of her kind

She's in need of an owner, if you don't mind.

She's only an animal, a rare beast indeed

And your collection may be in need

Of a unicorn, but I guess I misunderstood

Please beg my pardon, I was terribly rude."

As the Count ushered the Duke out,

He realized what this was all about.

"Yes, I realize, she is just a poor animal.

I won't stop until she is at my hall."

Count D produced a paper for the Duke to sign

"Now there are a few rules I hope you'll mind

First no one but you are allowed to see her

Second not for any reason are you to touch her

If any of these rules have been broken

The shop isn't responsible for any unlucky token

If you have an accident, the shop's not to blame."

And with that, the Duke signed his name.

That night, secretly, Count D did deliver

The unicorn girl shining of silver.

All day and night, the Duke did watch,

inside an stable that he had locked,

As the unicorn frolic like a filly in spring.

And at times he heard a whinny ring

The Duke liked to watch her, so young and pure

And after a while, he was sure

His touch wouldn't hurt her, he deemed

In so many ways he was much more clean.

Instantly he was clutching her feather-soft hair

The unicorn turned toward him to stare

With anger filled eyes sparkling red

And she lunged at him with the horn on her head.

It was a day later when the servants found

The Duke's mutilated body, dead on the ground.

Who murdered the Duke, who would dare?

The servants didn't know, nor did they care.

By the look of the body, he'd been trampled and stabbed

But there was no sign of the source of the jab

Everyone was as confused as could be

But one young servant from the window did see

A woman or man of Asian descent

Was leaving the castle with much intent

In his arms, a statue of a white unicorn

With strange dark, red paint on its spiral horn.

But the lad soon forgot the mysterious man

And turned away to lend a helpful hand

He had much to clean and clear away space

A new Duke was coming soon, to replace. (_Pet Shop of Horrors_ by Akino Matsuri).


End file.
